Resilience in Adversity
Since November, I’ve had many people ask me, as a psychologist and a Democrat, for some tips on how to emotionally survive these next four years. Well, it’s not a matter of just surviving, but thriving: we must find a way to get along just fine, thank you, and also to continue to exercise our power as citizens. Of course, I’m going through this ordeal also, so here are some tips that have helped me and, at this point, perhaps you are finding them useful as well.
Exercise radical acceptance: after a brief period of fear and grief, it will be important to accept things the way they are. A malignant individual will be the president for the next four years, along with his crime family and horrible friends. A number of people will support him, and another bunch will roll over. You are going to lose friends, and have others that become friends in name only. Just accept that that is going to happen, and find a way to move forward.
To be clear, there are other things that you must accept as well. History will not stop. Leaders will emerge. People will react to horrible policies. You must also accept the fact that you are resilient. You will work your way through this. And there will be opportunities for you to gain wisdom, maturity and joy.Take care of yourself. This is going to be a marathon not a sprint, and so you can’t afford to get too frightened, too chronically tense, or to become a curmudgeon. In short, work the Serenity Prayer. Perhaps you have already created new dietary habits on news and social media. I know I have. My new phrase is, “stick to your knitting,” which means to stay mindful, don’t get too abstract but rather work on practical immediate things. This is the exact opposite of being on Facebook! I stay at the headline level for news and selectively deep dive when I have an actionable goal for doing so.
I’m finding more time for family and friends, more time in nature, and more time in my immediate life. And when I can do something practical and productive, I do it. In fact, you are currently reading one practical task I was happy to complete. Don’t let them take your hope, your joy, or your verve! You’re going to need it all when the fun begins.Find community. Perhaps you have lost a friend or family member or two through this ordeal. But part of the opportunity is to meet new people and reset many of your social relations. There are likely some in your social circle that you have not been in touch with that need more attention. You are already a part of the SCDP; leverage that! If you have any potential interest in church, find a progressive one that focuses on social justice, not, uh, the other kind. If there isn’t such a church, form one.
If you are already a member of a community group, find like-minded people or invite your like-minded friends to join you there. If, like my wife, you don’t care for groups, find one or two people who fit the bill. My only request is that you not sit around and fret together. Talking crap about Trump or Marsha is not particularly helpful and likely to make you feel worse. Instead, do something. The phrase, “don’t get angry, get active” can also be “don’t stay anxious, stay active.”
Folks, our country – and we ourselves – have seen worse. Old folks like me have gone through the Cold War, the Kennedy assassination, Vietnam, 911 and COVID. As noted above, history will not stop – and looking back, you’ll want to say that you didn’t just survive, you thrived, and prevailed. And maybe you’ll say, “and actually, we had a pretty good time doing it.” Hey! Let’s make that happen.
Terrell McDaniel, PhD., HSP, is a Clinical/Community and Industrial/Organizational psychologist in private practice in Hendersonville. He consults extensively in Corporate Strategy and Police Psychology, while also maintaining a clinical practice. He has been a continuing supporter of the SCDP for many years, although he now lives in Franklin, TN.